WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
