this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
