Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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