Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
