i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
