he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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