My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
