Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
