When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
