When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
