I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my shit smells like andre
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
