Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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