i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
