Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
