Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
