I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
