The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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