He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
