Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
