He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
