She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
