We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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