apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
