Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
