It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All the doctor said was why
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
