I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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