i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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