just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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