I'm pants shitting drunk right now
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize