Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
