dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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