oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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