He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
