The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
