I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's always time for handjobs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
