Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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