My room smells like vodka and shame
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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