Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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