His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
