Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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