your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
