your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
