trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
