my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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