Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
