The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
