I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
