words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
