hotel room ftw
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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