i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
