i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
