Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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