Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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