is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
