Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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