I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
