so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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