yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
