I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
