I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
