I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
