meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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