I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
