Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have already put on my inside pants.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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