and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize